From Girlie to Girlie: 18 Workplace Truths No One Told You (So I Will)

For the ambitious, exhausted, high-achieving girl who just wants a damn blueprint.

You know that feeling when you walk into a meeting, heart racing, and wonder if you’re overdressed and underprepared? Or when someone talks over you and you debate whether to call it out or just shrink? Or when you’re five years into working and still googling "how to sound confident in emails" like it’s a secret spell? Same.

The truth is, most of us weren’t handed a workplace playbook. We got told to be good girls, work hard, and maybe, maybe, someone would notice. But real career growth isn’t built on being noticed. It’s built on being intentional, strategic, and unapologetically self-aware.

This is that playbook. Not the glossy advice from LinkedIn influencers. The real stuff. The whispered wisdom. The bathroom-stall confessions. The Slack DMs that start with "hey, can I vent for a sec?"

These are the truths I wish someone had handed me. So I’m handing them to you.

From girlie to girlie, let’s build better careers, on our terms.

1. Start a brag doc from day one.

No one is keeping track of your wins like you are. And when the time comes to advocate for a raise, promotion, or new role, memory will fail you. Start a brag document: a running log of achievements, shoutouts, wins (big and small), metrics you’ve moved, and obstacles you’ve tackled. Keep screenshots of praise. List measurable results. This isn’t arrogance, it’s insurance.

Actionables:

• Create a private Notion page or Google Doc titled “Brag Bank.”

• Every Friday, log one thing you did well that week.

• Tag it with categories: teamwork, results, initiative, leadership, etc.

• Use it as a source for resume lines, self-reviews, and cover letters.

The goal? When someone asks, “So what have you achieved here?” you don’t scramble. You copy-paste.

2. Keep one version of your resume updated at all times.

You don’t get a heads-up when layoffs hit. Or when dream jobs open up. You need a clean, updated resume in your back pocket, always. It’s not about being disloyal. It’s about being ready. Even if you love your job, even if you think you’re indispensable. You owe it to your future self to make sure you don’t stall because you forgot the last thing you accomplished.

Actionables:

• Block 30 mins on the last Sunday of every month: “Resume Refresh.”

• Add one metric-driven bullet point.

• Update keywords for roles you’re aiming for, not the one you’re in.

• Create a one-pager version for quick intros and a longer one for applications.

Think of this as your professional “go bag.” When a door opens, you walk through, not fumble for the knob.

3. Don’t fall in love with your company.

You can care. You can build deeply. But don’t confuse your employer for your identity. Companies are transactional. That’s not cynical, it’s structural. When things go south, they’ll protect their interests. So should you.

This doesn’t mean becoming jaded. It means building emotional resilience. Loving your craft? Yes. Loving your co-workers? Sure. But pinning your entire self-worth to an employer’s brand? That’s risky.

Actionables:

• Ask yourself: if this company disappeared tomorrow, would I still know what I’m good at?

• Build a personal website or portfolio independent of your org.

• Connect with people outside your team: across industries, verticals, even geographies.

• Track your skills, not just your titles.

The company is the current chapter, not the book. Never forget that.

4. Your manager is not your therapist.

It’s healthy to have a trusting relationship with your manager. But beware of oversharing personal struggles that dilute your professional clarity. Managers are there to support your performance, not process your past. Emotional vulnerability at work is not weakness, but it needs boundaries.

Actionables:

• Before opening up, ask: "Is this my manager’s role to solve, or my therapist’s?"

• Use 1:1s to talk about growth, blockers, and feedback, not breakdowns.

• If you need mental health help, ask about EAP programs or look for an external therapist.

• Practice saying, “I’m going through something personal right now. I’ll make sure it doesn’t affect my deliverables. I’ll reach out if I need structural support.”

Workplaces are not designed to hold the weight of your trauma. You deserve better containers and actual care.

5. Learn to read power dynamics in a room.

Before you speak in a meeting, observe the room. Who interrupts whom? Who people defer to? Who gets credited and who gets ignored? The real power doesn’t always match the org chart. Learning to read the unspoken hierarchy will protect you from missteps and help you choose your allies wisely.

Actionables:

• Take silent inventory in meetings: who talks most, who people look at when decisions are made?

• Ask yourself: who has influence, not just titles?

• Notice who says the final word, even when others have spoken longer.

• Use this map to find quiet champions: people with power who don’t always show it.

This skill will make you politically astute without becoming manipulative. It’s social intelligence, not strategy games.

6. Pretty privilege exists. Use it if you have it. Be aware of it if you don’t.

Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But ignoring pretty privilege doesn’t make it go away. If you benefit from it, acknowledge it quietly and don’t confuse compliments for competence. If you don’t, don’t internalize the silence. The playing field isn’t even, but your edge will come from sharpness, not symmetry.

Actionables:

• If you’re benefitting, don’t lead with it, let your skill speak first, appearance second.

• If you’re overlooked, sharpen your edge: speak last in meetings but with precision.

• Take up physical space. Sit at the table. Look people in the eye.

• Compliment other women on things other than looks: "You handled that negotiation so well."

Beauty can open doors, sure. But consistency keeps them open. And credibility builds empires.

7. If someone’s weird to you, write it down.

Not in your group chat. In a dated, detailed log. That slightly-off comment? That meeting where you got spoken over? That time you felt your work was undercut subtly? These moments seem small, but they add up, and if a pattern forms, having a paper trail is powerful. It’s not about paranoia. It’s about proof.

Actionables:

• Maintain a "Weird Stuff" doc: include date, time, who was present, what was said, and how it made you feel.

• Keep screenshots of questionable messages or emails.

• Don’t gaslight yourself. If something feels off, honor the instinct.

• If you ever report something, having documentation makes your case stronger and your memory sharper.

This habit protects your peace and your professional record.

8. Befriend the receptionist, the IT guy, and the finance person.

They know where the bodies are buried (and how to resurrect your laptop at 4:55 p.m). Power doesn’t just sit in the boardroom. It’s in access, institutional memory, and soft influence. These relationships will not only make your life easier, they make you part of the pulse of the workplace.

Actionables:

• Learn their names. Say hello daily. Ask how they are.

• Bring them into the loop early, especially for big events, tech-heavy meetings, or anything finance-adjacent.

• Thank them publicly when they help you.

• Remember birthdays. Or at least remember to ask about their weekend.

These people often get ignored. Don’t be the one who does. Kindness isn’t strategy, but it does build powerful community.

9. Don’t over-explain.

Every extra sentence you add to soften a boundary is a little leak in your authority. "Just checking in" or "I was wondering if maybe…" might feel polite, but they dilute your message. Women are conditioned to explain. You don’t need to.

Actionables:

• Before sending an email, delete every “just,” “sorry,” and “I think.”

• Practice saying no without justification: “I can’t take this on right now.” That’s enough.

• If you’re worried about tone, add warmth, but not apology.

• Use pauses in meetings. Let silence carry your confidence.

Clarity is kind. And concise is powerful.

10. You don’t have to be the office mom.

Yes, you're kind. Yes, you care. No, you’re not obligated to plan every birthday cake, clean the coffee machine, or remember what snacks everyone likes. Many women default to emotional labor at work: checking in, smoothing conflict, supporting everyone's needs. But this work is often invisible, unrewarded, and expected. Don’t let being nurturing get mistaken for being available 24/7.

Actionables:

• Say yes only when you want to genuinely. Otherwise, pass the responsibility.

• Don’t volunteer every time. Let the silence sit. Let others step up.

• Track how often you’re asked to take on non-role labor. If it’s frequent, raise it in your next review.

• Reframe: “I’m here to lead and contribute, not babysit grown adults.”

Compassion is wonderful. But when it becomes obligation, it becomes a trap. Be warm. Don’t be the unpaid team mom.

11. If someone takes credit for your work, correct it in the room.

It’s gutting when someone rephrases your idea and gets the kudos. But here’s the trick: don’t stew. Don’t wait. Reclaim the moment, clearly and calmly. This isn’t about creating conflict. It’s about reminding the room (and yourself) that you earned your space.

Actionables:

• Use calm phrases like: “To build on what I shared earlier…” or “Thanks, I led that segment, happy to expand.”

• Don’t wait for the next meeting. Let the correction be immediate.

• Follow up in writing if needed: “As discussed, I’ve been driving XYZ and will continue to…”

• Talk to your manager if it’s a pattern. Use your brag doc to show receipts.

Credit hoarding is a subtle power play. You don’t have to match the energy. You just have to shine light on it.

12. Lunch is strategic.

Eating lunch at your desk every day may feel efficient, but it’s a missed opportunity. Lunch is where soft alliances are built, side conversations happen, and real impressions form. You don’t have to be the loudest person in the cafeteria. But make an appearance. It’s visibility without performance.

Actionables:

• Schedule 1:1 lunches with teammates you admire or want to learn from.

• Rotate groups, don’t just eat with your clique.

• Don’t treat lunch as “time off”: use it to read the room, hear what’s not being said, and build your map.

• Be intentional: “Want to grab lunch? I’d love to hear how you approached XYZ project.”

You’re not networking. You’re building fluency in your org. And yes, sometimes the real meeting is at the salad bar.

13. Never send the first angry draft.

When you’re pissed, you often write for revenge, not resolution. That first draft? Keep it in your Notes app. Write it. Rant. Use all caps if needed. But don’t hit send. The version of you that wants justice should never be the one to press ‘Reply All.’ Wait. Then edit. Let the final message come from the version of you that wants respect and knows how to get it.

Actionables:

• Use a dummy doc or email yourself the first draft.

• Never leave names in the TO field.

• Wait 24 hours if possible. If not, walk away for 30 minutes.

• Reread your message from your future self’s point of view: will this age well?

• Replace accusations with questions. Anger with assertion.

The goal isn’t to win the moment. It’s to own the outcome.

14. Flirting is not a strategy. But being unforgettable is.

There’s a myth that women must trade on likability or charm to get ahead. But your real power? Precision. Confidence. Clarity. If you want to stand out, let it be for your insight, your delivery, and the way you command a room with poise, not suggestiveness. Don’t confuse magnetism with manipulation. One builds trust. The other builds resentment.

Actionables:

• Speak clearly and end your sentences with a downward inflection. No “uptalk.”

• Lead with the facts. Follow with your perspective.

• Make eye contact. Hold your ground when questioned.

• Leave a room with a line that lingers: “Let me know if I can unblock anything. I’m moving forward by EOD.”

You don’t need to be liked to be respected. But if they remember you for being razor-sharp and steady? That’s your signature.

15. "Nice" is not a compliment.

When people call women “nice,” it’s often code for: compliant, non-threatening, easy to manage. But you’re not office décor, you’re a professional. Aim to be clear, fair, assertive, thoughtful, decisive. None of that requires being “nice.” Kindness is earned. “Nice” is assigned to those who stay small.

Actionables:

• Watch how often you default to being agreeable when you disagree.

• Replace “nice” with real adjectives in how you describe women: strategic, decisive, generous, effective.

• Accept being misread as "difficult" if it means holding your line.

• Ask yourself: am I being helpful, or just making myself smaller?

Respect > approval. Always.

16. Know your quitting threshold.

You don’t want to leave angry. You want to leave ready. That means knowing, in advance, what line can’t be crossed. A salary ceiling? A toxic boss? A value betrayal? Your quit line isn’t a threat, it’s a boundary. And the earlier you define it, the clearer your decision-making becomes.

Actionables:

• Write down: "I will consider leaving if…" and complete the sentence.

• Keep your professional “go bag” ready: updated resume, brag doc, portfolio.

• Build an exit network before you need one. Always.

• Know your finances. Freedom requires a cushion.

Don’t wait to burn out before you walk out.

17. Make a younger woman’s life easier.

You remember your first job. The anxiety. The self-doubt. The mental gymnastics to “sound professional.” Be the person you needed. The best way to reclaim space is to pass it down. Generosity isn’t weakness, it’s legacy.

Actionables:

• Invite the intern to a meeting. Let her ask questions.

• Compliment her work out loud. Tell her when she gets it right.

• Share the scripts you wish someone gave you: how to ask for a raise, how to push back politely.

• Be honest about your mistakes. It saves her time and pain.

Every ladder you climb gets sturdier when you reinforce the rungs for the next girlie.

18. Keep a snack in your bag. Always.

This might sound silly, but low blood sugar can ruin your whole day, and your tone in that important meeting. Hunger amplifies anxiety, reduces patience, and affects performance. A granola bar, a fruit box, a handful of nuts, something simple, can anchor you in moments when you’re spiraling. It’s a small act of self-care that saves you from snapping when you meant to shine.

Actionables:

• Keep a protein-based snack in your bag, desk drawer, and coat pocket.

• Don’t skip meals before big presentations. Your brain burns glucose, not goodwill.

• Set calendar reminders for hydration and snacks.

• If someone mocks you for it, offer them trail mix. Then carry on with your stability.

Fuel isn’t indulgence. It’s preparation. Feed yourself like someone you believe in.

From girlie to girlie:

You deserve sharpness and softness. Boundaries and belonging. Power that doesn’t ask permission.

If this made you feel seen, pass it on. And tell me which one hit hardest: I want to write more of these.

🧷 Save this for your next work crisis.
🧷 Send it to your group chat.
🧷 Be the blueprint.

With love,

Harnidh