Pain Is Inevitable

Choose Yours Wisely

For a long time, I thought pain was something to be avoided. If I made the right choices, played it safe, and planned well enough—maybe I could sidestep it entirely. But life doesn’t work like that. Pain is inevitable. The real question isn’t if you’ll experience it—it’s which pain you’re willing to endure. More importantly, which pain will help you grow, and which will slowly erode you from the inside out.

I’ve changed careers three times. Each shift was a leap into the unknown—new skills, new challenges, new failures. I left jobs that looked great on paper but felt like slow suffocation in practice. Every transition came with uncertainty, self-doubt, and more than a few sleepless nights. I wasn’t avoiding commitment; I was choosing the kind of struggle I could live with. Some people called it flaky. I knew better. I wasn’t running away from hardship—I was running towards a version of life that felt like mine.

The Inertia That Kills Your Spark

But I’ve also experienced another kind of pain—the kind that sneaks up on you when you stay still for too long. The kind that creeps in when you force yourself to push through burnout because stopping feels like failure. The kind that makes you watch your own light dim, slowly, until one day you wake up and realize you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

I used to think inertia was harmless. That if I was “fine,” if nothing was actively wrong, I didn’t need to change anything. But inertia doesn’t just keep you in place—it drains you. It steals your spark in tiny, almost unnoticeable ways. At first, it’s just a little fatigue, a little apathy. You tell yourself you’re just tired, that things will get better. But then the days stretch into weeks, and the exhaustion turns into numbness. And before you know it, you’re just going through the motions, stuck in a life that doesn’t feel like yours.

It wasn’t just work. It was my body, too. For years, I ignored what it was telling me. I worked myself to the bone, convinced myself that if I just pushed harder, I’d be fine. I told myself I didn’t have time to take care of myself, that I’d get to it later. But later never comes. And when you neglect your body, your mind follows. I learned that the hard way.

At some point, I realized I had a choice: the pain of staying the same, or the pain of doing the hard work to rebuild. Neither option was painless. But one of them offered the possibility of something better.

Small Choices, Big Ripples

People assume big change happens in grand, sweeping gestures. That one day, you just wake up, make a bold decision, and everything falls into place. But real change? It starts with the tiniest of choices.

For me, it started with movement—literally. I started going to the gym, not because I had some grand weight-loss goal, not because I wanted to punish myself into fitness, but because I needed to prove to myself that I could show up. The first few months were brutal. I was uncoordinated, everything hurt, and I wanted to quit constantly. But over time, the pain changed—it wasn’t the pain of exhaustion anymore, but the pain of strength being built. And that pain? That pain I could live with.

It’s the same with everything else. Leaving a job, starting over, learning something new—it’s all painful at first. But it’s the kind of pain that leads somewhere. The pain of staying in a situation that drains you, on the other hand? That’s a slow, quiet kind of suffering. The kind that wears you down without you even realizing it.

The Privilege of Choice and the Power of Tiny Risks

I know that being able to change careers, to rebuild, is a privilege. Not everyone has the financial cushion, the support system, the freedom to walk away. But even if you don’t have the privilege to make massive changes overnight, you do have the power to make small, intentional choices.

You don’t have to quit your job tomorrow to start carving out a better future. Maybe you start by setting aside an hour a week to develop a new skill. Maybe you don’t have the luxury of therapy, but you can start journaling, start going on walks, start paying attention to what your mind and body need. Small choices add up. Over time, those ripples turn into waves.

If you feel stuck, do one thing—just one—that disrupts your routine. Send a cold email. Apply for that job you think is out of reach. Go to that gym class you’ve been putting off. Break the pattern. Remind yourself that movement is possible.

Pain Doesn’t Disappear—You Get Stronger

For a long time, I thought the goal was to build a life without pain. That if I made the right choices, one day everything would just click and I’d never struggle again. But that’s not how life works. Pain doesn’t disappear—you just get better at handling it. The things that once felt unbearable become stepping stones. The fears that once paralyzed you become a little less intimidating.

When I think about the hardest moments of my life—the times I felt completely lost, completely stuck—they all have one thing in common: I got through them. I survived. And that survival built something in me.

The weight doesn’t get lighter. You get stronger.

The Mindset That Ends Suffering

I’ve realized that much of our suffering isn’t from what’s happening in the present—it’s from the fear that things won’t be okay in the future. Suffering is almost always anticipated. It’s the worry, the anxiety, the spiraling thoughts about what might happen, rather than what is happening. But the moment you start believing—really believing—that things will be okay, most of that suffering dissolves.

When you first experience a setback, it’s natural to feel like the future looks bleak. That’s the dip. But after that initial hit, it becomes a choice: how long do you want to stay there? The longer you convince yourself that things won’t be okay, the more vulnerable you become to self-doubt, shame, and hopelessness. But the moment you allow yourself to believe in your own resilience, in your own ability to adapt, you start pulling yourself out of it. The faster you embrace that conviction, the sooner you’ll find your way forward.

Choose Your Pain with Purpose…

If you’re standing at a crossroads, wondering what to do next, remember this: there is no pain-free option. But you do get to decide which pain is worth it. The pain of starting over, or the pain of staying stuck. The pain of confronting hard truths, or the pain of avoiding them. The pain of uncertainty, or the pain of regret.

Indecision is not a refuge from pain. It’s just another kind of suffering—the suffering of stagnation. I’ve been there. I’ve been the person too scared to make a choice, too afraid to pick a path. And let me tell you—waiting around for clarity, for certainty, for the perfect moment? It just keeps you stuck.

So, if you’re waiting for the fear to go away before you make a move, stop waiting. It won’t. Fear will always be there. But you can be afraid and still move forward. Courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s action in spite of fear.

…And Choose Your Purpose With Agency

If you’re feeling stuck or paralyzed by the fear of change, here are some steps and mindset shifts to help you move forward intentionally:

• Accept that no path is painless. Stop searching for a risk-free option – it doesn’t exist. Instead, ask which set of challenges you’re willing to accept. Once you acknowledge that any choice will involve some hardship, you can evaluate options more clearly and not be scared off just because it’s hard.

• Identify the pain of your current situation. Honestly look at the discomfort you’re living with right now (stress, burnout, boredom, feeling undervalued, etc.). Then identify the pain involved in the change you’re considering (learning new skills, starting over, potential pay cut, uncertainty). Comparing these can clarify which pain leads to a better payoff. For example, the pain of growth might be scary but it often beats the pain of staying unhappy.

• Ask yourself what you value enough to struggle for. What goal or dream excites you so much that you’re willing to accept the accompanying pain? When you have a why that matters, enduring the tough parts becomes easier. Choose a pain that has meaning. The pain of training for a marathon is intentional because it leads to a proud finish. Find your equivalent – a challenge that is worth it to you.

• Start with small, manageable risks. You don’t have to upend your life overnight. Begin with small actions that move you toward change and get you comfortable with discomfort. This could be as simple as attending a workshop, signing up for a class, or talking to someone in the field you’re curious about. Each small step you take will stretch your comfort zone a bit. Those little wins build confidence, making the bigger leaps less intimidating over time.

• Leverage your privileges, however modest. If you have any support system, savings, education, or free time at your disposal, use them wisely. Don’t feel guilty for having advantages – instead, put them to work. Maybe you can lean on a friend for encouragement, or use your evening hours to develop a side project. Even if your privilege is tiny (like having internet access to read this post), it’s a tool in your kit. Small resources can still yield big results when used consistently.

• Reframe fear as a signpost, not a stop sign. Fear often shows up when you’re facing something important. Rather than seeing fear as a reason to halt, see it as proof that this decision matters to you. Use that adrenaline as energy. You can be afraid and still move forward – courage isn’t the absence of fear, but doing what matters in spite of fear.

• Build resilience like a muscle. Treat facing discomfort as practice that makes you stronger. When you intentionally do hard things – have that awkward conversation, apply for that competitive job, say yes to a new responsibility – you’re training your “resilience muscle.” Over time, challenges that used to overwhelm you will feel more routine. You’ll trust in your ability to handle whatever comes, because you’ve proven it to yourself repeatedly.

• Don’t wait for “someday” when it will be easy. It’s a harsh truth: if you’re waiting until you’re not scared or until there’s no risk of failure, you’ll be waiting forever. Change is hard and that’s okay. Start now, with fear along for the ride. The sooner you begin, the sooner you’ll adapt and reduce the pain through experience. Remember, action breeds confidence, not the other way around.

• Choose growth over regret. When in doubt, ask yourself: five or ten years from now, which will I regret more – not trying, or trying and maybe stumbling? In the long run, most of us regret the chances we didn’t take far more than the failures we experienced. The pain of a failure fades as you move on, but the pain of never having tried can linger a lifetime. Choose the path that leads to growth, even if it’s the tougher one today.

Take the Leap, One Small Step at a Time

Life will never be completely free of pain, but it can be full of meaning and progress if you make intentional choices. You have the power to decide what struggles are worth enduring for the life you want. My wish for you is not a life without difficulty (there’s no such thing), but a life where the difficulties you face are in service of your dreams and values. Pain is inevitable – but the pain of growth is bearable, and it’s transformative.

If you feel stuck, if you feel drained, if you feel like your spark is flickering out—don’t wait for some perfect moment to change. Just take one small step. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Just something that reminds you that movement is possible. That you are not stuck.

Your pain is inevitable. But what comes after? That’s up to you.