This is the last The Girls Club post you’re seeing from me for a while…because I’m writing a book! More details soon! But there’s a BOOK coming! I’ve already thrown up like, 50,000 words onto Google Docs. I pity my editor. I am also very grateful to her. I am truly the human equivalent of a fly rubbing its hands right now (why not just a human? Who knows.)
I am giddy, if you couldn’t tell. Thank you for being my friend. <3
Power is a dirty word for women. Too sharp, too masculine, too greedy. We’re told to want influence, not power. Respect, not power. Titles, not power. Because “power” is meant to be hoarded in boardrooms where your name will never be called.
But power isn’t just CEOs and prime ministers. Power is everyday architecture. It’s how people treat you in a room. It’s whether your emails get answered first. It’s whether your “no” lands as policy or as a suggestion.
We’ve done money. We’ve done the trenches of workplace survival. Now comes the next level-up: shaping the game.
So here it is, from girlie to girlie: 15 power truths. No gloss, no permission slips. Just the things I had to learn the long way, so you don’t have to.
1. Know your leverage before you negotiate
Most people walk into negotiations already apologizing. They talk like supplicants, not equals. But leverage isn’t just your job title. It’s your track record, your alternatives, your timing, and their desperation. When you don’t know that, you’re stuck taking whatever scraps are offered. When you do, the whole game flips. Negotiation stops being about begging for a favor and starts being about pricing your value. And nothing makes people sit up straighter than a woman who names her number calmly, like it’s obvious. Because it is.
Actionables:
Write down 3 concrete things only you deliver right now.
Know your BATNA (best alternative to negotiated agreement).
Rehearse numbers out loud until they feel boring.
Never accept “budget constraints” without receipts.
2. Build a public voice (writing, panels, even small ones)
Your work doesn’t speak for itself, people do. And people can only talk about what they’ve seen. We’ve been told that if you just “let the work shine,” the right people will magically notice. That’s a lie designed to keep you invisible while others lap you. In crowded industries, silence gets read as absence. A single LinkedIn post, a sharp panel comment, even a scrappy essay plants you in people’s memory more than six months of behind-the-scenes grind. The sooner you start leaving public artifacts of your thinking, the sooner others start quoting you when you’re not in the room.
Actionables:
Commit to one small public artifact per month: article, talk, or thread.
Cross-post where your industry actually hangs out, not just where you’re comfortable.
Say one new thing, not the same old “leadership quote.”
Remember: being seen ≠ being cringe.
3. Learn to frame, not just argue (control of narrative > control of facts)
Facts are cheap. Everyone in the room has them, everyone can Google them, and nine times out of ten, facts alone don’t win. What actually wins is framing, or deciding what those facts mean. If you can place your idea inside the “why it matters” box faster than anyone else, you’ve already won the room. That’s why the sharpest operators don’t just defend their points, they reposition the whole conversation around their terms. Because once the frame is set, the argument is just noise bouncing inside it. Never forget: the person who names the game controls how it’s played.
Actionables:
Always start with “the problem is…” not “my idea is…”
Practice reframing hostile questions into your own narrative.
Study excellent politicians. Framing is their entire job. Read Machiavelli and Chanakya to start with.
Never fight inside someone else’s frame. You’ve lost already.
4. Set your non-negotiables and repeat them until others internalize
Whispered boundaries get bulldozed. Clear, repeated boundaries turn into policy. Most of us learn to soften our lines: “if it’s okay,” “when possible,” “I’d prefer”. And then we wonder why no one takes them seriously. Power isn’t in setting boundaries once; it’s in enforcing them consistently, until people stop testing you because they already know where you stand. The truth is, exhaustion usually comes not from doing too much, but from constantly re-deciding your limits. Decide once, repeat often, and let others adjust. The strongest signal you can send is calm consistency: “this is the line, and it doesn’t move.”
Actionables:
List 3 things you don’t compromise on (values, pay, hours).
Practice saying them in short, calm sentences. No fluff, no apology.
Enforce by repetition: others learn through muscle memory.
Treat breaches as reminders, not negotiations.
5. Social proof beats self-promotion, seed it deliberately
No one likes the “I’m amazing” person. Everyone listens to the “she’s amazing” whisper. That’s the difference between self-promotion and social proof: one makes people roll their eyes, the other makes them lean in. Power players understand this, which is why they seed the narrative carefully. Planting the right stories, quotes, and receipts so that other people carry their reputation forward. A compliment said once in a 1:1 means nothing if it never leaves that room. But a compliment repeated in a board meeting? That’s currency. Your job isn’t to shout your greatness; it’s to make it easy for others to repeat.
Actionables:
Collect testimonials and praise in your brag doc. Don’t rely on memory.
Quote others’ praise subtly in presentations: “As X mentioned, my team’s work on Y…”
Amplify other people’s wins publicly. Reciprocity is real.
Remember: reputation spreads fastest when it doesn’t look like you’re the one carrying it.
6. People trust pattern-recognizers: make connections no one else sees
Anyone can show up with facts. What makes people stop and listen is when you connect the dots into a bigger picture. The most powerful person in the room is the one who can pause and say, “This reminds me of…” and suddenly everyone else is scribbling notes because you reframed the entire discussion. That’s not magic, it’s synthesis. Leaders, strategists, and operators who earn trust aren’t just knowledgeable; they’re interpreters of meaning. They can pull an analogy from history, link a trend from another industry, or spot an echo that makes the room see the issue differently. That’s how you go from participant to indispensable: not for knowing more, but for seeing through.
Actionables:
Keep a swipe file of interesting ideas (articles, quotes, stats, analogies).
In meetings, deliberately practice saying: “This reminds me of…” and connect it to a broader trend.
Read outside your field at least once a week; novelty feeds synthesis. (Follow this newsletter or my Instagram for my weekly reads list!)
Notice which connections make people write things down. That’s your signal you’ve added real value.
7. The ultimate flex is optionality
Freedom isn’t just about how much money you have, it’s about how many choices you’ve built. Power is when you can say no without fear, because you’ve already designed your exits. Every skill you learn, every person you build trust with, every bit of savings you tuck away quietly, it all stacks into leverage. The people who look unshakeable aren’t always the richest; they’re the ones who know they’ll be fine if this room, this boss, this company disappears tomorrow. Optionality is what keeps your spine straight in negotiations, in relationships, in life. The real flex isn’t “I need this.” It’s “I’ll be good either way.”
Actionables:
Keep your resume and brag doc alive, don’t wait for a crisis to update.
Learn at least one skill that can make you money outside your main job.
Save a “fuck you” fund. It changes the way you walk into rooms.
Treat every opportunity as either a door forward or a door sideways, both expand your exits.
8. Never confuse access with influence
Getting the invite feels good, but don’t mistake the room for the power. Access is cheap. Anyone with the right LinkedIn DM or social connection can get into the cocktail party, the strategy meeting, the private WhatsApp group. Influence is rarer: it’s whether people actually shift course because of what you said. Don’t get drunk on proximity and think it’s authority. The question isn’t “was I there?” It’s “did anything move because I was there?” That’s the difference between being ornamental and being consequential.
Actionables:
Ask yourself in every room: who actually makes the call here?
Don’t brag about invites, brag about outcomes you shaped.
Track who follows up with you after meetings.
Remember: access looks shiny, but impact pays the bills.
9. Ask for calibration, not feedback
“Be more confident.” “Work on your communication.” That’s feedback, and it’s useless. Feedback is often vague, personal, and impossible to measure. Calibration is different. Calibration tells you where you stand compared to the standard, and what it would take to move up. Think of it like tuning an instrument. You don’t need opinions, you need benchmarks. When you ask for calibration, you stop collecting platitudes and start collecting data. And in power games, data is everything.
Actionables:
Phrase your asks like: “How do I compare to people one level above me?”
Request specifics: “What would it take to trust me with X project?”
Treat vague notes as noise. Push until you get something measurable.
Keep a running log of calibration moments so you can track progress over time.
10. Play longer games than the room
Most rooms are obsessed with the next quarter, the next campaign, the next fire to put out. That short-term panic makes people reactive, and when you’re reactive, you’re predictable. Power comes from playing arcs, not moments. If you’re thinking in five-year horizons while everyone else is scrambling over today’s crumbs, you become the calm center of chaos. You stop taking every slight personally because you know you’re playing a bigger game. You stop chasing every shiny title because you’re positioning, not just progressing. Longevity makes politics irrelevant, because by the time others are done squabbling, you’ve already built the board.
Actionables:
Ask yourself: will this decision still matter in five years?
Identify three peers you think will be huge in ten years. Invest in those relationships now.
Track your progress in arcs (positioning, networks, reputation), not just promotions.
Practice zooming out: one fight won’t define you, but your pattern of choices will.
11. Design your own myth
People will tell stories about you whether you like it or not. The danger is letting those stories be random, stitched together by gossip and guesswork. Power is in scripting your own mythology. Deciding what sticks when people describe you in a sentence. Myths outlast org charts, titles, even jobs; they’re what people carry from one room to the next. A myth isn’t a lie, it’s a highlight reel sharpened into legend. The person who’s “unflappable,” the one who “always spots the angle,” the one who “builds teams that win”, that’s branding, but deeper. If you don’t author your myth, someone else will, and it won’t serve you.
Actionables:
Define three adjectives you want consistently attached to your name.
Weave those adjectives into how you introduce and describe yourself.
Craft short, sharp anecdotes that reinforce your myth and are easy to retell.
Pay attention: what stories about you already travel? Double down on the ones that serve you.
12. Become legible across contexts
If people can’t explain you in one line, they can’t advocate for you in rooms you’re not in. That’s the quiet test of power: are you easy to describe, easy to sell, easy to remember? Too many ambitious people hide behind jargon or overly complicated titles, and in doing so, make themselves unrepeatable. Legibility is mobility. It’s what allows your name to move across industries, geographies, and hierarchies. You don’t need to be reduced to a cliché, but you do need to be portable. When someone asks, “who’s she?” you want the answer to be clear, confident, and useful. If your ambition is to shape the game, you can’t afford to be a mystery…yet.
Actionables:
Write a one-liner bio about yourself and test it on friends: can they repeat it accurately?
Cut jargon ruthlessly. Clarity wins more doors than fancy words.
Make sure your “about” page (or intro blurb) works for both aunties and execs.
Audit your LinkedIn headline, Insta bio, and intros: do they all say the same thing?
13. Own the frame of your ambition
If you don’t declare your ambition, other people will happily shrink it for you. They’ll box you into what feels safe, palatable, or convenient for them. Power is in saying your ambition out loud; without apology, without caveats, without shrinking it down to make others comfortable. At first, people may flinch, laugh, or underestimate you. But repetition normalizes. Soon, your ambition becomes furniture in the room: unremarkable, assumed, planned around. Owning your ambition isn’t arrogance, it’s giving others the blueprint to take you seriously.
Actionables:
Practice one clean ambition sentence: “I want to lead X in 5 years.”
Repeat it in reviews, coffees, and intros until it feels ordinary.
Don’t soften with “someday” or “if it’s okay”. State it plainly.
Track when others start repeating it back to you. That’s your signal it’s working.
14. Curate your critics
Yes-men feel good. They soothe your ego, nod along, and make you feel like the smartest person in the room. But critics are the ones who make you sharper. The right kind of critic embarrasses you in rehearsal so you don’t collapse on stage. They poke holes, challenge assumptions, and force you to level up. Power isn’t about surrounding yourself with fans, it’s about building a trusted circle that can tell you the truth before the world does. Think of it like sharpening a blade: friction isn’t pleasant, but it’s what keeps you cutting clean.
Actionables:
Identify 2–3 people whose job is to challenge you, not flatter you.
Send them drafts, half-baked ideas, and strategies for honest pushback.
Reward their honesty with your own. Make it a two-way street.
Distinguish between haters (noise) and critics (clarity). Keep the latter close.
15. Separate identity from role
Your job is the mask, not the face. Titles, companies, and org charts are costumes you wear for a season. None of them are permanent. The danger is collapsing your sense of self into a role so tightly that when it’s gone, you feel gone too. Power comes from remembering that you are the constant: your skills, your network, your judgment, your resilience. Those travel with you long after the email ID shuts down. The sharpest people know how to walk away from a role without losing themselves, because they were never the role in the first place.
Actionables:
List your core skills without using any job titles.
Build an independent portfolio (site, talks, writing, projects) outside of your employer.
Keep relationships that outlast your workplace. Networks > org charts.
Remind yourself regularly: roles are costumes; you are the actor.
From girlie to girlie: Safety nets are built (money). Survival is learned (workplace). But sovereignty? Sovereignty is chosen.
Power isn’t some medal you wait to be pinned on your blazer. It’s a muscle you rehearse, a posture you repeat, a frame you enforce until people stop questioning it. Most of the time, no one is going to hand it to you. You’ll take it piece by piece, conversation by conversation, until one day you look around and realize the room tilts toward you.
Save this for the days you feel small.
Send it to the friend who’s too good to stay silent.
And remember: ladders are borrowed. But the staircase you build is yours forever.
With love,
Harnidh x
Wow , this is too good! Needed to hear this , esp 2,7 and 15.
Thank you Harnidh!!!
This was too good. Can’t wait for the book!!!!!